Imposter Syndrome

The concept of ‘Imposter Syndrome” was communicated to me by a very educated woman that I worked with once.  The concept brought to mind a quandary of thoughts that I had never entertained before.  My beginnings were not the ideal and in my thinking in need of burying as deep as possible.  My experience is that no matter how hard you try to push away from things they more they come up in other ways.  When someone would compliment me on my knowledge of something I would always think “Whew, pulled one over on them.” Which is the basis of imposter thinking.

The result is that I did not pursue the education that I needed for fear of being judged or someone finding out that I am not “as bright” as everyone thought.  This ends of being a self-destructive cycle.  The more I achieved, the more I become fraught with anxiety.  The good part about growing older is that I have embraced some basic precepts. Being honest about my educational background.  I had to be real to free myself to go back to school without feeling embarrassed.  It does separate the wheat from the chaff:-) In the last few years I have had an onslaught of negative personal observations from just about every angle of my life.  The personal downslide helped disconnect from the things that were keeping me from moving forward.

I get about three hits a day from Russia for this site, so I write this blog to help organize my thoughts and if the odd person see this and it helps them, awesome!

Good resource for more information about “Imposter Syndrome”

The College Thing Again

So just a brief update.
My college career is forthcoming, finally. The financial aid has finally come thru and I start a Computer Network Operations AAS Degree.

So the plan looks like this:

AAS Computer Network Operations w/Security for work purposes.  I have been in IT for over 20 years but my skill set is outdated and my Certifications have expired.

After that is completed and gainful employment has been secured, I will start working on an MBA in History.

The interesting part is if I take long enough for the MBA,  I will probably qualify for a senior pass and go to school for free.

Back to School at 49 !

Sooooo,  the featured image has nothing to do with the content of this blog post.  It was simply for the bloggers own viewing pleasure.

My experience in the last 20 years has led me to believe that certifications in IT (CCNA, “All things Comptia” and “All things Microsoft”) have their shelf life for practical work scenarios.  I was just like any other new IT professional and wanted all the certifications that gave me the “Golden Ticket” to jobs and knowledge enough to keep them.  Well the first part is true ….

I have achieved an MCSE x2. I have a hard-earned CCNA. All are expired.  The MCSE was around 10 separate tests for the first MCSE (that is ‘if’ you pass all of em the first time).  The CCNA took a lot of specialized software for router interfaces and 1500.00 for the training software to help one thru the tests and of course the books to supplement.  Fast forward to 12 months later and the excruciating 5 hours of test taking is void enter a new study/software/test experience or Lather, Rinse, Repeat. The sad part is the test taking and studying only give a foundation for the technology and there is nothing like real world experience.

I jumped off that treadmill about 7 years ago and alas I am without valid certs and on the bottom of the barrel for IT jobs.  20 years experience and expired certs just don’t count.

I am headed back to school for a CIS degree.  Just so I can make a living wage.  I will blog about the process as I am very new to applying for and maneuvering around the financial aid waters. It should be fun to be a Menopausal Matriculate.


Picture Perfect Bike Ride

After my 9mi ride the other day I was hypnotized by the field behind our street.  Could have been heat exhaustion as I picked the hottest part of the day to go for a ride …

First day with “Amazing Greens” and new online fitness tracking

So I started the day with Collagen (Neocell) mixed in hot lemon juice. I can hear the sighs of delight over how appetizing that sounds! (sarcasam).  Wait a half an hour and had a coconut milk and scoop of “Amazing Greens Mocha” .  Than a “Think Thin” Protein Nut bar for lunch.  Salad for dinner.  Still craving something I had another Nut bar….I think those things are bit addictive.  Roasted celery for snack.  Nummy eh!

I am still waiting for it to cool off enough to take my bike out for an hour as planned so will update you on that when it happens.  So far the supplements aren’t making me hungrier later which is what usually happens.  I do really well until later at night than start craving things really badly.


I am currently using My Fitness Pal to track meals and exercise.  So far it is locating food items and seems fairly comprehensive about exercise.

Will update tomorrow!

Losing Weight and Nutrition

So I have made a commitment to losing 30 pds and competing in a major pole competition by my 50th birthday.

25 years ago I used to be insanely in shape with a body fat ratio of 23% which for a women is extremely good.  Now however have having office jobs and depression for the last 20 years the pds have creeped up and the lack of mobility.

My Goal is to lose the weight with cardio and proper nutrition not a fad diet of ‘magic’ cure.  That being said I have found that the statement that you will not lose weight the same way twice is really true.  I have tried not eating carbs, but that just made obsessed with carbs around 10:00 PM at night thus causing a carb feast then laying down. Not a good idea if you are trying to lose weight.

Currently I have stopped taking some anti anxiety meds that I think might be making the weight issue worse.  We will see.

So right now I am 155 pds.  Ideally I would like to be 115 but will settle for 120. So 35 totally.

Now for the physical side.  I would like to be Jenye Butterfly on the pole.  That is the standard I am working toward.  I would like to hit fifty raging with sexy confidence.

As I am currently job hunting and stressed about money etc.  This should be an interesting journey!


I am gluten, dairy, chocolate and sugar free. Some are allergies others just make me feel bad.  My body responds to sugar really badly. So I just avoid.

One would wonder how I could have any weight issues avoiding these particular ingredients but you would be surprised what you can chow down on that doesn’t have any of these things. Rice, Popcorn etc.  Carbs are my downfall.  I have decided not to count calories but look at the meal on a whole.  My daily meals are:

Salad w/ Goat cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, chia seeds, homemade Italian dressing.

Chicken Tenders baked w/ broccoli

Roasted Seaweed


Menopause Supplements:

Black Cohosh

Evening Primrose Oil

General Supplementation:


Collagen 1,2, & 3


Greens Plus (naturally derived C)

I am currently trying a supplement for breakfast call “Amazing Greens” with unsweetened Coconut Milk.  I will see what difference it makes in 2 wks.


Biking 4x weekly

Gym 3x Weights and Treadmill.

Update same time next week.

My pole experiences will be on another blog post.

Working on pets area..

Will be updating my dogs website.  Unfortunately I have lost my dobies due to age related illnesses.  Our Shepherd is still giving us love but a bit slower these days.

I feel very proud that when I brought each of my dogs home I promised them 3 things:  They are wanted, They are safe and They will be with my for the whole of their natural lives.  I have kept that promise.

6 week old Willow

Very Young Willow

New Website Design. Long Past Due!

Welcome to the Website.  I have updated the look and content.  I will be working on changing things around the next few weeks.

I am including an Outlander section and a Knitting section soon.


Thanks for cruising in!

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